All posts by Kim Bella

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About Kim Bella

Woman. Daughter. Wife. Mother. Mimi. Friend. Relationships matter, God's love is big, life is but a breath and when God interrupts it, I have learned to pay attention and breathe it in!

Cleanse the Lens

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Lenses: 
We’ve heard the saying “seeing things through rose-colored glasses”. Well often the lens on our perspective of things can be far from rosy!

A lens affects how we see things. A lens can correct defects of vision. They can be used to make images larger, smaller, or clearer. But if the lens is smudged, dirty, or cracked, then the picture that we actually see, will not be so clear and the lens is not working the way it should be. The actual object, vision, view has not changed. It is not distorted or blurry, but the way we perceive it and see it, will be.

Often our “life lenses” are smudged and affected by our life experiences. If we have experienced trauma or been mistreated, then we may tend to see things through a victim lens. If we are betrayed or hurt by people, then our view of things may be through a lens of unforgiveness, bitterness, and distrust. If we have experienced broken promises and disappointments over and over again, then our lens may be filled with cracks of disbelief and doubt which distorts our views. We begin to not trust people who would not purposely try and hurt us or be disloyal. Our lens causes people, opportunities, good experiences, and yes, even God’s goodness and love to become so blurry and unclear that we end up confused, paralyzed and trying desperately to figure out life or do life on our own.

Interestingly, God created our eyes with its very own lens. This lens takes what comes in and refracts the light, changes the direction, so that what we are looking at is coming in clearly. It is the part behind the pupil that helps us to see clearly by focusing (collecting) light onto the retina. So what if we did this with our spiritual lenses? With our “life lenses”? What if we allowed, invited God, who is light, to come in with each experience, good or bad, with each person we come in contact with, with each opportunity. What if He became the filter, our lens, to help us see what is happening to us, around us, and in us more clearly? I want to “collect” His light and His truth, by spending time with Him and in His Word in order to shift my perspective, clean the smudges and fix the cracks so that I can focus clearly on what He is doing and wants to do in me, no matter the circumstance. He can refract what is coming into our lives, change the direction, take what has been meant for harm and turn it into good. He can help me see through a lens of hope, faith and love.

It’s time to CLEANSE THE LENS! COLLECT THE LIGHT AND TRUTH! And watch our views, our vision, our perspectives become clearer and dare I say ROSY!

Getting Clean

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Today I took a shower at 11am and it felt like a mini vacation! Ha ha! That seems quite dramatic, but true. Maybe a blissful shower is not strange to you, but for me it’s definitely out of the norm and I found this one to be exceptionally sweet! 

Usually my showers are either super rushed early in the morning or completely exhausting late at night. Those are the showers when I can’t even remember if I already washed my hair or not, so end up washing it twice. Some days it’s like a mission – hurry up and get’er done mate and get on with your day. Many have been interrupted but someone needing something …. Mommas know this dilemma far too well! 

This late morning, however, I actually had time to not feel rushed, to think and listen to my thoughts and all I could think about was how wonderful it is to get clean. It was like in that moment, I could almost feel the water washing away even more than dirt. I stood there silent, sensing the whisper of the Lord, “I have washed you and made you white as snow”. The song lyrics “What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus” quickly came into my mind, and as I hummed the tune, I sensed an invitation from the Lord to allow Him to wash away even more than that. The invitation was to take a little time and think about some of my worries, mistakes, negativity, hurtful words, pain, bad choices, regret, disappointment, frustration., whatever popped into my head in that moment and thank Him for washing it away. Good thing no one was home because I began to say out loud, “Thank you God for washing away this ___________ “. I filled in the blank several times, and I pictured each thing going right down the drain. It was a long shower! But it was so beneficial and so wonderful, that when that water bill comes, I’m not going to care one little bit! I felt clean!

So that’s a personal ,funny story, and maybe you are thinking, “that’s a nice analogy, but the only thing washing down the drain is water and soap bubbles”! Well, yes in the natural, but let’s not throw the “truth” baby out with the bath water! You see, the truth is that He did it! Our precious Savior, Jesus Christ, washed away our sin when He died for us. When we turn to Him, He also washes away our shame, our rejection, our fear. We are able to invite Him, daily, to wash away our worries and fill us with hope. He rejoices over us with songs of deliverance, songs that was away our hurts, our pasts, and every lie that we have bought into. He delights in us and delivers us. He answers us each time we call to Him, asking us to cleanse us, to renew us, to restore us and to create in us something new. 

The Psalmist invited God to do these very things in Psalm 51. Verse 2 says, “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.” Verses 7 sings out, “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” And finally verses 10-12 become the sweetest invitation of all to the Lord, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.” I love the Psalmist! So real! So raw! So much truth and emotion! He was not afraid to say where he was really at or how he really felt but He always brought all of it straight to God, knowing He was faithful and that He could do it. 

He still does it! He still takes the dirt and the grime of our days, our choices, our pasts, our thoughts, and He washes them away. He never wants us to stay right where we are. His desire is never for us to stay just as we are, even though He loves us right where we are. You can twist the word to justify your sin as much as you want, but God’s Word never will. Because His whole story line is about getting clean! It’s about the old becoming new. The darkness becomes light! His story is about resurrection. His strength in our weakness. His love that redeems and changes and restores and redefines. He is all about giving us ways out and leading us NOT into temptation. We are never stuck – not even because a person or our past or a personality test says this is who we are and will always be. He makes a way. He changes us. He helps us be who He calls us to be in any given situation or in any season. His hands lift us out of our mirey, filthy and slimy pits and set our feet on HIM, our ROCK, the TRUTH, a firm foundation (not the foundation we try and create)! 

He is so good. He is so kind. His love is so strong, that we don’t have to stay like we are. We don’t have to wallow in our sin, our shame, our guilt, our fear, our worry, our strife, our pride, our sadness, our …. yes the list goes on! Instead, we get to invite Him and allow Him to wash it all away, right down the drain, and create in us a clean heart, new perspectives, right choices, whole thinking, a new mind, and fill us with truth and hope and faith and love. Every good gift comes from the Father above! Yay for that promise! And guess what? You don’t need to go jump in the shower to gain this revelation!! You don’t have to use soap to get this kind of clean! All you have to do is ask God to do it right now. Invite Him, just as the Psalmist did, to wash you white as snow! There’s no water bill for GETTING CLEAN!

The Koru

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This is a silver fern from New Zealand. The shape it creates is called a Koru (Māori for “loop or coil”) symbolizing new life, growth, strength and peace.

Today, as I look at this,it symbolizes REST & PEACE. The ability to be able to rest in God’s perfect will and plan for my life. The reminder that His kingdom, His portion for my life is living in His perfect peace, which means I do not EVER have to get caught up in striving. I don’t have to be bound by the world’s idea of “being somebody”. I do not need to be driven by man’s approval or that I have to be producing something in order to be valued. My identify, my life, my future is safely wrapped up in God’s hands. Nothing can snatch me from that place.

I am enough. I am valued. Highly treasured and favored by God. I have nothing to prove. I can serve, love, live, be and do all that He sets before me without worry, without strife, without stress, as I fully trust Him and His lead for my life. Just as Jesus did – only what the Father told Him. He led. He listened. He went. He healed. He walked. He ate. He stayed. He prayed. He taught. He rested. He laughed. He loved. He shared. He rebuked. He revealed. He restored. He moved.

He brought life to those who who had ears to hear and eyes to see. And so can we. Be still. Lean in. Listen. Learn to trust. Live from that place of knowing you are wrapped in His love and He will fulfill HIS great purposes in your life.

Yielded Hands

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I imagine that as much as God loves hands that are busy serving, God loves hands that are yielded to Him even more. Hands that are surrendered. Hands that wait. Hands lifted up to Him in worship first.

God loves our willingness. He loves that we want to be used by Him, for Him. But that must first and always come from a heart that is drawn to and surrendered fully to Him or we will end up doing things to please man instead of God. We will operate in our own strength, possibly for our own agenda. Things that in the end can distract and detract from God. They may be GOOD things but not necessarily GOD things.

Yield. Surrender. Wait. Listen. Then act and serve. Remember, first things first – a heart that seeks after God …. what HE wants to do and will do, is WAY BIGGER than what we could ever do on our own.

Hustle & Grind

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Hustle & Grind

I keep seeing these words lately. I’m seeing and hearing, so many people, posting, reading, studying and talking about this, as they try and figure out their lives, their futures, their now. It is the new chatter. It has even made itself present in devotionals, daily quotes, and in all sorts of different magazines.

In an article in Forbes magazine they are debating over which one is best …. to Hustle or to grind. Here is a quote from the article:
“Someone who is a grinder can work tirelessly and see no return. Their sense of fulfillment is found in the chaos of moving at a fast pace, juggling multiple tasks, or simply being busy. However, someone who is a hustler makes sure every effort reaps a valuable return on investment. Grinders desperately seek opportunity. If a slot opens, they step in without hesitation for the purposing of proving their worth to others. Hustlers put effort into existing opportunities to build on their vision and create additional opportunities with the value they already know they have.” Either way, whether someone is a hustler or a grinder, they are both moving at a fast pace, extremely focused and busy, and all about building something that will put them on a wheel that may never stop. While none of these attributes are dangerous in their own, if fueled by the wrong motive and not kept in balance, the combination of them can be dangerous to that person and to others.

As I have pondered these two words recently, for some reason, neither resonate rightly in my spirit. There’s just something about them that fills me with a bit of sadness and a whole lot of concern – especially when I see those who are husbands, fathers, wives, mothers clinging to them. It’s like a work-a-holic’s permission slip to jump in the rat race and justify their absence from the things that really matter and the people who are counting on them. It’s the two thumbs-up for the person who is labeled with the personality type of being a “go-getter”, the achiever, the intense visionary, and keeps them striving for more no matter what, with the excuse of “this is who I am”.

Blame it on my age, yes I am on the “back-nine” of life, or my own experiences in life with the hustle and grind, but I feel it goes even deeper than that, and that the nudge (or maybe cringe) that I feel each time I read those words, is actually a still small voice that is not my own saying “BEWARE”. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for great work ethics, being disciplined and committed, and sadly have seen this dwindle over the past years, with both the younger and older generations. People do less and expect someone else to do the rest …. Well I want to say “if you do less, expect a mess!” So yes, I do believe that there are times that we need to go the extra mile, say yes to something that possibly will call for a little more time, effort, and energy than we had planned on giving. There are those times, I prefer to call them mini-seasons, when we may need to stay out a little later, work a bit harder, give up or even sacrifice some of our own plans, desires, and more, in order to start something, pour into a task or meet a need. BUT, and that’s a big but, the motive behind the hustle, and the length or time period of the grind, both must be constantly evaluated and can only last so long. Just like God created the seasons to come and go, to begin and to end, and the tides to ebb and flow, He also created us to have limitations and life-seasons. We are created to pay attention, listen to Him and not miss the warning signs when we start to get out of balance.

What starts out as just an occasional time of being super busy, can so subtly become a life-norm. One project leads to another, one late night leads to many, one “just this once” leads to more like months, and before you know it, you’re captured. Entangled. Ensnared. Exhausted. You are on the Hustle & Grind train and the only toll that is being paid, is the toll on your relationships …. First, your relationship with God, then with your spouse or family, and then with friends (unless they are on that same train) and even the relationship with yourself. You know that one where you should be listening to your body, paying attention to your heart, taking hints from your lack of or limited focus that affects your emotion and sends your mind whirring a hundred miles an hour, never able to a stop. That train, the “Hustle & Grind” train, is like a high-powered, locomotive that is on a run away track, and the only one who can pull the brakes is you.

Currently I am sitting in a coffee shop, sipping some sage and mint tea, and evaluating my own life. Where do I find my value? Do I only feel valued if I am serving and working? How much of my identity is falsely secured in what I do? How much time have I wasted doing a whole bunch of GOOD things instead of only the GOD things? How many times have I said YES to someone, solely based on pleasing them, not wanting to offend them, wanting them to say good job and appreciate me? Am I able to actually say NO? Is all of this what fuels and drives that hustle and grind train? Oh how often I have found myself riding on those tracks, at first enjoying every moment, feeling great, purposeful, appreciated, even powerful, as it picked up speed with more and more being asked of me. What an honor! They asked “ME” to do that, to serve, to be in charge, to run the program, to create the event, to plan and prepare, to lead, to be on the team, to stand on that stage. I got on the train with so much contentment, and gusto, but after a while, instead of getting off at the 3rd or 4th stop which was where God was saying “this is the end of the line. It’s time to get off”, I stayed on. Just a few more miles, maybe a few more stops and then I’ll get off. But there went each depot, flying by as I looked out of the windows, and suddenly I felt like there may be no stopping the train ever. Do I jump? Peering at my ticket, I realize that my stop, the one God had actually designed for me to get off at, was several stations back.

Years ago I really did find myself in just this predicament and it had taken a toll on me. My relationship with the Lord, my relationship with my husband which affected oI pulled that brake cord and the train came to an abrupt halt. And there I was, staring at my stop, wondering if just BEING was enough. I realized in that moment that God was enough. I realized over a period of time that I was enough just as a woman, a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a human being. God valued me. I learned to say no, and I still said yes, but this time with limits and boundaries and my identity secured in God. As I found that delicate balance of serving God, working, loving my husband, being a mom, investing in relationships, growing in the Lord, ministering to others, I was able to stay in the rhythm that God had for my life. It meant letting go of some of the things I actually loved to do. It meant letting others do the jobs that I was good at and might have done differently. It really involves laying down my own agenda and allowing the Lord to kill my pride. But it was all worth letting go of because God’s rhythm was so much sweeter, so much freer, and even more purposeful, fulfilling, and meaningful than all of the years that I had gotten caught up on the hustle and grind locomotive.

And so I know that it can be done. We can pull that cord that puts on the brakes of the hustle and grind train. We can get off at the stop that God has designed for us. We can pay attention to His voice and hear Him when he blows that whistle to say “all aboard” or “next stop”. We can learn to be led by Him and say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to what is being asked of us, without any shame, without any manipulation, without becoming lazy and idle, without any confusion, without guilt. We can have our identity so secure in Him that we are true God pleasers instead of being self or people pleasers. We can find the rhythm that beats along with His heart for each of our lives. Just listen. Maybe it’s time to pull the brakes. Maybe it’s time to let the train pass you by. Maybe it’s time to jump on board, but only for a season. Check that ticket. Don’t miss the depot. You don’t have to be driven by anything but the Lord.

Take a Breath

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This morning I woke up late looking forward to not having anything pressing me or stressing me. I just wanted to take a breath. Kick my feet up. Leisurely lounge around. Listen to the birds. Sip on my coffee without having to reheat it three times because I am rushed or can’t remember where I put it. My back deck was gloriously bathed in morning sunlight and was calling my name. So I sat. I sipped. Little did I know, my slowing down and being quiet was going to bring on a different dimension to my day. No other voices sounding off around me meant there was room for the one in my head to speak loud and clear. My time of being still ended up being a time drenched in reflection and emotion. 

Being still usually requires aloneness. Being alone often means we become “alone” with our thoughts. Surprise. There they are. The door is flung wide open and whether we have put the welcome mat out or not, they just seem to come right on in! So when we sit, we think. 

We think about the past. The present. The future. Yesterday and tomorrow. The to-do list. The wish-I’d-done-it list. The shouldn’t-have-done-it list. Every list. We think about those things that we have filed to the dark, back room of our minds, possibly because of being too busy to think about them, but more often because they are too painful, and just too much to think about. There are thoughts and memories that we have shuffled through like a stack of important papers that felt so overwhelming we just ended up scooting them to the side of our desk. That stack may have names of people who have annoyed us, hurt us, or needed something from us that was more than we could give. Maybe in that pile are memories that seem to pop up occasionally because they need resolution and closure, but we stuff them back down in a compartment of our mind, slamming the lid down quickly as to not let them escape. Possibly hidden throughout that dubious stack, are little scrap pieces and sticky notes with things I’d really just like to deal with later, hand-written reminders of decisions we need to make, debts we owe, and definitely some IOU’s from others who actually owe us a lot! There all there, waiting for that day that we don’t have anything to do. Here it is! That day. 

Now we have time to think and to feel and to deal. Time with our emotions that are attached to some of our memories. Time to really feel the weight of what we have carried around in our backpacks of life. Possibly this is what it means to be “heavy in thought”! It is good though. Stillness needs to happen. Making time to be still and alone is essential if we want to be healthy. Thinking. Feeling. Sifting. Reflecting. It is all vital. Crucial. Especially since we were each created for growth, for purpose, for relationship, for life in abundance. Being still and allowing our minds to make room to “deal and feel” with even just a few things at a time, brings so much freedom. It pries our hearts and our thoughts out of those places we tend to get stuck in. Stillness shovels off the weight and pulls off that which has buried us, one layer at a time. 

So today I allowed myself to think. I allowed myself to feel. I cried. I got angry. I sat. I felt joy and I felt disappointment. I sifted through my thoughts and my feelings being intentional, asking God to show me if there was unforgiveness, offense, sin. I put out the Welcome mat and invited Him to walk in the same door that all of my emotions came through, and to help me sift through them one at a time. I got some answers as to why I had been feeling some things. For others, I didn’t get much of an explanation, but I felt a peace in letting them be swept right out the door by my Savior and my Comforter. I looked at some of those lists and checked off some of the boxes and tore up the others that have loomed over me for so long. I wrote a few more sticky notes of reminders of things to tackle on another day. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by that or discouraged. They will be there when it’s time to deal with them and the Lord knows when I’m ready. In the end, I breathed in deeply, felt weight that I didn’t even know was there, lift off. And then these words popped into my mind …. “Praise God for what He will do next, before you see it happen, before you feel it. Praise Him. Don’t be afraid to be still. Don’t be afraid to feel. As you make room for these thoughts and feelings to come, you also make room for HIM to come. I sipped my coffee and smiled.